"How can you love when u are afraid to fall?"
i did. but now, nah.
because, i'm the bird and youre the worm.

saat ini gue berada di titik paling menggemaskan dalam hidup gue. gue pengen berhenti kuliah aja. titik.

I'm sorry maybe i hurt you that much

i just read my hidden blog and realizing that story about you, was the last time i fall in love.
fall deeply into love.
hey, how are you, gutz?
haha?

yesterday, my daddy told me about this.

"if u have a bad thing you hate, just kick them out of ur life and thats all. they gone. just like your thesis, finish it quickly and voila! u will be happy!"

yeah, thanks dad for filling my spirit up up up! full tank! i love you.

i love to use 'everything' word on my last posts.

Someone said "i really miss you" to me, the other day..
and i said, "thanks."
just it.
i'm sorry.
you know, honestly, i didnt really mean it.
it was like, formality? or whatever they say.
i was, to be honest, didnt feel anything about ur confesion.
i want happy, or jumping up happily or anything.
i was just, flat? or numb?

and if i can say it clearly, i feel bored.
bored with us, and with you.
i'm sorry, i kinda annoying one, yes?
thats why i lil bit abandoning you these days.
because, yes, i'm bored.
with everything.

Lately, i feel a bit awkward.
to everything around me,
to you,
and even to me myself.

Lately, i feel a lil' bit sensitive.
i cry over everything.

such a loser, rite?
i don't know.

I just feeling so emotionally uncontroled.
but still, i don't know why.

Maybe i'm just tired?
He said, i'm tired.
over everything and anything.
i dont think so.
but i said, yes i am.

Just like what i said before,
i'm a walking travesty.
haha?

I Can Fall In Love Everyday

On the nite like this,
there is so many things i wanna tell you.

On the nite like this,
there is so many thing i wanna show you.

Cause when you are around,
i feel save and warm.

Cause when you are around,
i can fall in love everyday.

i'm a walking travesty,
but i'm smiling at everything..

False Hope

I don't know if i want you, he says. But i do know i don't want anyone else to have you.

It wasn't good enough, i knew that. Honestly i did. In my mind it was crystal clear. My heart however, was having a serious case of selective hearing. All it heard was, i don't want anyone else to have you. And within that---was a glimmer of hope, a spark of optimism.

Keys

Hearts din't have locks, she said.

Some do, he replies. There are people who give away the key to theirs for safekeeping. Others are mistrustful and give out several keys, just in case. Then there are thise who have misplaced them but never cared to look.

What about your heart, she asked.

He smiled.

Your words are the key to mine, he replied.

Never forget your words.

His Kiss

He has me at every whim;

everything start with him.

To all the boys i used to kiss.

everything stops with his.

and this is also another story to tell

i miss you, dude..
i really am.
how are you there?
dont fooling around with the girls, aite?
you must find out the right one. not the HTS one, or TTM one, and whatever you can say.
no.
find the good one. your Mrs. Right.
and that girl is me.
Lol.

i cant sleep. i dont wanna sleep.
i wanna split out everything these days but i cant.
i'm too happy, and fucked up at the same time.
fvck.

another story to tell

lately, there is someone who keep filling my chat Line.
everyday, and everytime.
you know, everyone says that a girl and a boy cant be friend for a long time, bestfriend.
because the other one would be fallen to another. or yeah, friendzone?
and yes, that person is my bestfriend.
he calls me every morning, and every night.
he talks to me everytime.
we talked about everything happened on that day.
we giggling and everything.
like seriously, is this a friendzone? i can say yes, and no.
honestly, hmm i dont know.
i dont know what happened with me either.
ugh.

secret.

Hai, this is me again.
it is 11.31 pm now and i feel lonely.
have you liked someone sooooo much you cant even say it or show it clearly?
it feel like, yeah, lonely. i'm not a loner so, yeah, it sucks.
okay.
i will tell you something.
now, i think, i'm falling in love with someone.
what can i say? i dont know how the feeling of fall in love so yaaa maybe like this.
smiling, and caring, and worrying, and smiling again, then fully caring, and worrying again, and in the end we always wanted to see their face, their body, smelling their scene, and to be around them.
really? am i falling in love?
i think, yes.
and this is a secret :)
psssstttt.

breaking the promise is always easy, no?

the other day, you made a promise, we made it. for us.
and stupidly, i believe on it. still. and keep going.
i dont even know since when you become this important to me.
everything i do, everything i feel, i keep it for you.
there's no guy but you. at least, i keep my heart for you.
my heart, is yours. trust me.
you have to trust on me here even though i really am not sure about myself either.
but seriously, trust me.

and suddenly, you seems like breaking your own promise, ours.
you playin around with many girls there.
i know, maybe (and it seems like) this is my mistake.
i know you think that i'm playin around too here.
then you did to me.
so, what can i do now? what can i say?
how do i say goodbye to what we had? *exaggerating
if we get to see tomotrrow, i hope it's worth all the wait.
(Jason Mraz - It's Hard To Say Goddbye To Yesterday)

Repost from cerita|kata|aksara (one of my verybestfriends, Nabiyla's)

Mari Bercerita

"Today is the oldest you have ever been, and the youngest you’ll ever be again." 
Beberapa hari yang lalu, saya berbincang cukup lama dengan teman-teman baru. Sesama mahasiswa exchange dan study abroad di La Trobe University. Orang-orang baik yang mengisi kerinduan saya terhadap teman yang kini berseberang lautan. Kami berbincang tentang rumah. Topik yang selalu menarik bagi orang yang sedang jauh darinya.
Seorang kawan tiba-tiba melontarkan pertanyaan (atau pernyataan): “kenapa ya, kita repot-repot pergi dari rumah. Padahal apalah yang lebih nyaman dari rumah kita sendiri. We’re just bunch of stupid people.”
Kita tertawa saja. Namun kemudian seorang teman lain menyahut, “no, we are not. I think it’s always great to leave home and go as far as we can. Because home will always wait us, but the world won’t.”
Tanpa dikomando, sebagian besar dari kami sontak mengangguk-angguk setuju. Terutama saya. Karena perkataannya tadi mengingatkan saya pada petuah ayah dan mama, bertahun-tahun lalu. Waktu saya meminta izin untuk kuliah di Jogjakarta, bukan di Surabaya, yang notabene dekat dari rumah.
Mama, atau ayah (saya lupa siapa, karena saya selalu menganggap perkataan dari mereka sebagai satu paket), waktu itu langsung mengiyakan permintaan saya sembari memberi petuah, “iya, nak. Silahkan pergi sejauh mungkin. Duniamu harus lebih luas dari dunia kami berdua. Jangan takut kehilangan pegangan. Karena kami, rumahmu, tidak akan kemana-mana. Kamu selalu bisa pulang kapan saja.”
Karena itu, saya tidak pernah sekalipun menyesali keputusan untuk pergi dari rumah. Karena seperti yang kawan saya bilang, rumah selalu menunggu, tapi dunia tidak. Dunia berjalan dengan caranya sendiri, dia tidak menunggu, kita yang harus menyesuaikan langkah untuk mengejarnya.
Jadi, mau kemana lagi setelah ini?

Go this way

I love this post. Remind me of how lovely they are :)

Why did you drink so much?
i just felt a little weird. (drunk)

Then you should've called me. I can drink with you.
(giggling)

What?
i'm just wondering who you are to me. Sometimes you drink with me, pack food for me, give me socks, you give me rides too..

And i also let you stay over in times like this. I'm for all-weather conditions. All-weather.
Doesn't it hurt?

i'm sooo happyyyy these days. idk, i'm just feeling so happy.
ga sabar pengen cepet beres biar bisa segera melakukan #misirahasia bareng si bocah.
this gonna be the first best lady-adventure session for us! sooo excited!
feels like i can smile ear to ear everyday hihihi i'm so blessed!
and you, yeah you. Don't forget about ur promises, aite?
ure my biggest motivation anyway ❤️👫
thanks for everything my baby! smooch.